Do you agree that happiness is a choice and can be cultivated? Yes, of course, but… Let’s have a look today at the barriers that may hinder you to be happy and live your best life.
“Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.” – Henry Ford
You know from experience: to achieve happiness is not simple. For instance, did you know that we usually carry much more attention to the negative aspects of our lives than to the positive aspects? This phenomenon is known as the ‘negativity bias’.
To make things worse, there are four other obstacles to well-being.
Positive psychology discovered five major barriers that may prevent us from flourishing:
- the ‘negativity biais’
- the ‘duration neglect’
- social comparison
- the hedonic treadmill
- lack of self-control
If you’d like to know more about positive psychology in general and about these hindrances in particular, I highly recommend to read the book Introducing Positive Psychology. A Practical Guide by Bridget Grenville-Cleave.
Bad is stronger than good…
Let’s focus today on the negativity bias. The scientific evidence is striking and – at first glance – rather disturbing. The psychologist Roy Baumeister summed it up as “Bad is stronger than good.”
In practice, this means that we have a tendency – and a habit! – to focus our attention more on the negative emotions, experiences and information and giving them greater weight in comparison to positive emotions, experiences and information.
… and how this impacts our lives
Consequently, we all remember more easily an insult and take more seriously any reproach or criticism than a compliment or a positive feedback.
Some clients I had to help to even hearing (!) and noticing compliments, approval and praise. They were so used to focus on what was ‘wrong’ and not working (and criticising themselves).
Likewise, it also seems that negative emotions reduce our level of subjective well-being more than positive emotions can possibly increase it.
We’ll see in tomorrow’s post what you can do to counterbalance this.
YOUR TURN NOW
Don’t believe me anything!
Sharpen your self-observation.
Watch yourself closely during the next 24 or 48 hours:
- Do you notice compliments?
- Are you open to receive them and enjoy the feelings they ignite in you?
- Do you dwell on things that ‘don’t work’ are ugly or disturbing?
- How long do you get affected by words that hurt you or provoke unpleasant feelings?
I’d love to know what you found out doing this exercise or before about how we focus on the negative.
Please leave a comment and share this article.
PS: this post is part of a 30 day blogging challenge.
Combining professional experiences in communication, project management and public health with scientific research around mind-body wellbeing, effective time management, goal achievement and happiness she supports you to harness your sensitivities and play to your strengths.
Working with her allows you to complete your mission and to always have time for the things and people that matter most.
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That is so true. It takes a deliberate effort to focus on the positive things, to perceive difficulties as challenges instead of as problems, and to realise that unsuccessful ventures are great opportunities to learn
Yes Ernst thanks for you comment. And the more we open up to receive love the easier it gets. Stay happy!
Patricia Mauerhofer recently posted…Be bold – open up for love (15/30)
Twitter: olaagbaimoni
on 26/09/2014 at 03:48
Hi Patricia – great post. Happinessisnowhere – Robert Holden who runs the happiness project uses this as an example of how your mind determines what you see and experience. Do you see Happiness is now here or happinesses is nowhere! basically happiness is a choice not a destination so if you choose to be happy you are more likely too.
Ola Agbaimoni recently posted…What Anglerfish can teach us about branding
Hi Ola, thanks for your comment. I’d like to learn more about this project, there are quite a few around these days. I like this way of looking at it. Another way would be: you can find happiness everywhere 🙂
Patricia Mauerhofer recently posted…Be bold – choose happiness twice (20/30)
Twitter: freefromwithatt
on 26/09/2014 at 12:31
This is a very good message. I find I’m generally positive and upbeat about issues – that they have options and solutions. The first option is a decision to see something as an opportunity not as a problem. And even that the new ‘issue’ is an answer to previous issues (IYSWIM). I think parents and school have a lot to teach children perspective.
Judy recently posted…5 W’s of Coeliac Disease
I completely agree with what you say Judy. Thanks for your thoughts and taking the time to share them!
Patricia Mauerhofer recently posted…Be bold – stop upper limiting (18/30)
Twitter: Nicky Claydon
on 27/09/2014 at 19:57
Great post Patricia. Not sure if you\’ve heard of The Science of Happiness by Soulpancake. I love this video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v
Nicky Claydon recently posted…Behind the Lens
Thanks Nicky, I just checked it out. There were several videos. I’m not sure how scientific this is (they don’t mention the sample size), but it’s well done and entertaining and confirms studies I read and what I think is relevant to practice. Will take it up in a post. Thanks for letting me know. 🙂
Patricia Mauerhofer recently posted…Be bold – foster positivity (23/30)